DeviantART is the only place I can unload lately. The only place I don't think I'm being continuously stalked... well I probably am but I don't care.
You might have noticed I've been slow, grumpy, and unresponsive the last week or so. For a start I had the lovely xantlercat
staying with me last week, so I didn't really do much on dA because I was too busy/couldn't be arsed/was too busy being prodded.
But ugh... so much other shit?
I had two job interviews last week. Neither of them have gotten back in touch yet and I'm getting a little nervous. I am at a point where if I don't get a job in the next couple of weeks I'm looking at losing everything. I'm trying my hardest to hold on in the hope of better things but I'm absolutely broke and my ex left me in so much debt.
I think in total I owe over £5,000 to various companies and £750 in rent arrears. It's a nightmare. I can barely afford to eat. Without a job I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm getting all the money I can from the DWP, and it's not enough to live on. It barely pays the rent.
And if I do get a job, I have to survive a month with no money because they'll cut my benefits as soon as I get a job.
I feel like I'm drowning and i'm doing it alone. I was so in love, I had everything, and now it's all gone and I'm left with ashes. I still don't really understand where it all went wrong, where everything changed, but I have to deal with the hand I've been given in life. As usual, it's a shit one.
It's always a shit one.
Just once I'd like a break, y'know? I'd like to be noticed, recognised, and have something positive happen. Instead I'm always forgotten and shoved aside and left in the shadows, only negative things happen to me. It's tiring. I honestly don't know how much longer I can carry on. I'm just limping through life with no energy. I'm not even surviving any more I'm just existing.
My art doesn't pay. No one wants commissions from a mediocre artist. My writing doesn't pay because I can't finish anything and no one wants to read what I have to write. And I can't get a job. There aren't even any supermarket jobs.
I'm at a total loss.
I just want a break. I just want a job. I just want to provide for myself. How is that too much to ask?